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Today Is



Tilkynnið dópsalana hérna :) 

A best the man can get?

Hello, you have reached the ________ Police Department Voice Mail.

Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and unusual circumstances arrive.

Please select one of the following options:

- To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem you created for yourself, press 1.

- To postulate whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2.

- To report an officer for bad manners when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3.

- If you would like us to raise your children, press 4.

- If you would like us to take control of your life due to your alcoholic or chemical dependency, press 5.

- If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6.

- To provide a list of police officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7.

- To sue us, tell us you'll have our badge and pay our salary, or proclaim our career is over, press 8.

Please note, your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember, we're here to save your ass not kiss it.

Thanks for calling your local PD and have a nice day.

A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says
he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.

His buddy asks "How will I recognize him?"
"That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment".

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if
he's looking for a male or female horse.

"A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly.

"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?
So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the
horse's eyes the once over.

"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"?

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows
him the horse's ears.

"Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"?

The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point,
but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's

"Nice mouf, can I see her twat"?

Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs
him under his arms and rams the midget's head as
far as he can up the horse's twat, pulls him out and
slams him on the ground

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
"Perhapth I should rephrase that, Can I thee her
wun awound a Widdlebit"?

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