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Today Is

Humor

27.2.04

Some new stuff for you all + babe of the week. 

Líst ykkur ekki vel á þetta strákar?
Horfið á myndina í smátíma,og sjáið hvað skeður :)


Babe of the week!


A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well.

The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three
different bottles of pills.

The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you
get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then
just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of
water."

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers,

"Wow doc, exactly what's my problem?"

The doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
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Tech Support: "Ok, why don't you turn off error control and see if that
clears the problem up." Customer: "Turn off AIR control? What the heck
is AIR control??"
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An instructor in the BASIC programming language was teaching his class
how to write a simple program and execute it. When each student had all
their program steps keyed in, he told the class to type R-U-N and enter.
A lady in the back of the class said that it didn't work. It turned out,
when the instructor had said to type R-U-N, she had typed, "are you in."
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Tech Support: "Type 'fix' with an 'f'." Customer: "Is that 'f' as in
'fix'?"
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Customer: "How do you spell 'Internet America'? Is there a space between
'inter' and 'net'?" Tech Support: "No space between 'inter' and 'net'.
It's spelled normally." Customer: "Ok. A-M-E-R-I-C-K?" Tech Support:
"That's A-M-E-R-I-C-A." Customer: "I-C-K???" Tech Support: "'A' as in
apple"
Customer: "There's no 'K' in apple!"
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Tech Support: "Tell me, is the cursor still there?" Customer: "No, I'm
alone right now."
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Tech Support: "Are you reading an error message to me?" Customer: "No,
I'm reading an error message to you."
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Q: What happen to the cat that swallowed a ball of wool?
A: She had a litter of mittens!

Q: What is the difference between the Sun and a loaf of bread?
A: One rises from the East and the other from yeast!

A blonde was standing in front of a soda machine muttering, "You're a
dumb-looking button. You don't have much of a future, either. You're
going to be replaced by a much better looking button." "What are you
doing?" her girlfriend asked. The blonde quickly pointed to the sign on
the front of the machine that read "DEPRESS BUTTON FOR ICE".

In Washington D.C., helicopters are often used to monitor
the traffic conditions. Frequently jammed is the Francis
Scott Key bridge, named after the man who wrote the national anthem. The
bridge's traffic problem is notorious; among some, it's known as the Car
Strangled Spanner.
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Allir kannast við National Geographic blaðið,heimsfrægt.ég hef greinilega fengið vitlausa útgáfu:


Hmmm,er þetta kallað fullkominn dráttur?


Sko sumt fer yfir vitleysingamörkin:



Og að lokum:
Famous Mother Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go,
young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"

MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY'S MOTHER: "I don't mind you having a garden,
Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?"

MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on
braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: "Humpty, If I've told you once, I've told you a
hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me?
Noooo!"

COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, Christopher. You
still could have written!"

BABE RUTH'S MOTHER: "Babe, how many times have I told you - quit playing
ball in the house! That's the third broken window this week!"

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Mike, can't you paint on walls like other
children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the
ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, Napoleon. If you aren't hiding your
report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and
prove it!"

CUSTER'S MOTHER: "Now, George, remember what I told you -- don't go
biting off more than you can chew!"

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can't you
just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

BARNEY'S MOTHER: "I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney,

but you're starting to look a little purple."

MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school,
Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."

BATMAN'S MOTHER: "It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much
the insurance is going to be?"

GOLDILOCKS' MOTHER: "I've got a bill here for a busted chair from the
Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?"

LITTLE MISS MUFFET'S MOTHER: "Well, all I've got to say is if you don't
get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there'll be a lot more
spiders around here!"

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't
you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money
across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

JONAH'S MOTHER: "That's a nice story, but now tell me where you've
really been for the last three days."

SUPERMAN'S MOTHER: "Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and
we've decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit
spending so much time in all those phone booths?"

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the
electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!"

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