<$BlogRSDUrl$> snapsoid photoblog - the snaps you need
Today Is

Humor

6.3.04

Something for the weekend. 

Hello ppl,here´s some stuff for the weekend!

Hin hugsandi kona:



Herman,alltaf sígildur,eða þannig:


Og svo Grettir:


And some jokes for you too :)

A bonde sets out to prove to her husband that not all husbands married a
'dumb blonde.' So one day when hubby leaves for work in the morning, she
sets out to paint 2 rooms in their house. At 5 p.m. the hubby strolls
home thru the front door and is greeted by the distinct smell of paint.
He heads to the kitchen where he finds his wife lying in a pool of sweat
on the floor, wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat. "Honey, are you OK?
he asks.

"Yes, yes.....I'm fine," comes the reply.

"Then why do you have 2 coats on?"

"Oh, that's easy," she replies. "Because I was painting and the
directions on the can said.....

FOR BEST RESULTS: PUT ON TWO COATS.

(Yes....sure )

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors
and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after dinner
together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give to their
elderly mother who lived away in another city.

The first said, "I had a big house built for mama."

The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theatre built in the
house."

The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600."

The fourth said. "Listen to this. You know how Mama loved reading the
Bible and you know she can't read it anymore because she can't see very
well. I met this priest who told me about a parrot that can recite the
entire Bible. It took 20 priests 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge
to contribute $100,000 a year for 20 years to the church, but it was
worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot
will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mum sent out her
thank you notes.

She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one
room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries
delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

Michael, you give me an expensive theatre with Dolby sound, it could
hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and
I'm nearly blind, I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the
same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a
little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you"

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said "You
have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for
the asking." The cat thought a minute and then said, "All my life I
lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real
fluffy pillow to sleep on." God said, "Say no more." Instantly, the cat
had a huge fluffy pillow. A few days later, six mice were killed in an
accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the
gates with the same offer that He made to the cat. The mice said,
"Well, we have had to run all of our lives from cats, dogs and even
people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we
would never have to run again." God answered, "It is done." All the
mice had beautiful little roller skates. About a week later, God decided
to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow.
God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything ok? How have you
been doing? Are you happy?" The cat replied, "Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I
have never been so happy in my life! My pillow is fluffy and those
little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!!"

Cmdr. Cal Schneider didn't like the appearance of his
Coast Guard craft. He had the thing painted black.
Now it's known as the Black Hull of Cal's Cutter.

* * * * * *

Gloria put a new rain catcher on the side of her house. The
downspout at the front end got clogged with leaves. All the

water goes down the Back Hole of Gal's Gutter.

* * * * * *

India did a census. But the data didn't arrive properly from
one city. The database showed nothing but a Blank Whole
of Calcutta.

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a Petrol
station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant,
obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish
manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick
"hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two
tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What're those?, asks the attendant.

"They're called tees" replies Tiger.

Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.

They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.

"Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW tinks of everyting!"

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his
White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington
standing by him. Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing
I can do to help the country?" "Set an honest and honorable
example, just as I did," Washington advises, then fades away.

The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of
Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom.
Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I could
do to help the country?" "Respect the Constitution, as I did,"
Jefferson advises, and dims from sight.

The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He awakens
to see the ghost of F. D. R. hovering over his bed. Bush whispers,
"Franklin, What is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into
the mists.

Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure
moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. "Abe, what
is the best thing I can do right now, to help the country?" Bush
pleads. Abe replies, "Go see a play."


A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had
great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked
her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied "especially the tight pants and
all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were
killing each other for 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest
of the game, all they kept screaming was: Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback!' And then they kept crashing into each other as hard as
they could! And that guy who got carried off on a stretcher?
Hel-LLLO...it's only 25 cents! I hate to think what they'd do if it was
a whole DOLLAR!"

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?